Jeff Loria owner of the Miami Marlins once said to the press “Everybody sells something” he was referring to rumors of the Marlins being sold, which we now know has happened. But it got me thinking, how true is that statement? Isn’t it though? We are all in some way shape or form indeed selling something. What are you peddling? Pain? Disappointment? Loss? Anxiety? Victim mentality? Each day we have a choice on how we will present ourselves to the world and when you have experienced a trauma, that presentation may not be aligned with how you actually feel inside. Trauma is the one thing that gives everyone buyer’s remorse. You did not want this experience or emotional expense, didn’t bid on it on ebay or use amazon prime to get it immediately. No! Trauma just waltzed into your life like a 30 year fixed income mortgage payment that has a crappy interest rate and just will not go away. Talk about buyer’s remorse. Now I don’t mean to be glib in any way! I have spent my entire career helping individuals deal with deep psychological pain resulting from very difficult experiences. Divorce, abuse, loss, violence, illness, terrorism, immigration, natural disasters, you name the trauma and chances are I’ve had the honor of helping a person process that event and heal. This is why I know that it is a most unwelcome guest and it can change the way you see the world and how you interact with others. So I’ll ask you again, what are you selling? If you want to exchange that pain for pleasure, that sadness for joy, that anxiety for peace there are some things you can do.
1. Stop. Look at that experience right in the face and understand that although it happened to you, it does not own you. A difficult part of a trauma experience is acceptance.
2. Understand. That just because you have accepted that something painful has happened to you, that does NOT mean you will just “get over it.” It takes time and that’s ok.
3. Shift. Acceptance allows you to begin to shift the emotion and perception associated with that experience and you can begin to see it differently.
4. Move. Always forward! Begin to move your perception/emotions into a more positive way of interacting, with yourself, loved ones, the world.
5. Plan. There are days when everyone needs a little help. Have a support system in place to assist you in those moments when you feel vulnerable; (Mental health professional, family, friend, support group) .
Transformation can take time but if you dig deep and really begin to shift those ideals and perceptions, the end result will be a higher quality of life and that’s worth buying into. Consider working with a mental health provider or a coach that can facilitate some of this change.